I'll be missing you~

Okay guys... I'm not one for wanting sympathy or anything like that from friends, I hate being weak in front of people. It's just something I can't stand, a long with crying in public.. or around family. I don't like bothering people with my family or personal life problems because I feel like it's something you don't do. But today I need some serious prayers towards my family, not me, a long with my community.. My family recently suffered a loss of a beloved member, and my community lost a VERY special man as well. Both were very important to my family / the community, and I'd appreciate any prayers you guys could give them, I'm sure they all would too. This month has been full of deaths recently and quite frankly I'm sick of all this death around here, a long with every where else. I hate people dying.. There's something about it ever since my Grandma Mary died 5 years ago last Thursday, It just causes me to break down hardcore and I cannot take it. I did not go to my Family Member's funeral today because I can't handle Funerals.. I just can't I can't take them. I know it's awful but you must understand how terrified I am of Funerals. When my Grandma died I didn't go to school for 3 weeks, I was terribly sick and depressed, it was so bad they thought I was going to die because I refused to eat or drink I just sat in my room and cried. It took me a while to recover from that and It still haunts me often. Death has always scared me, just the thought terrifies me. When I went to myGrandma's funeral as soon as I walked into the room with her casket, I broke down and fell to the ground crying. When I managed to 'control' my crying, I went over to the casket, took one look and lost it. I screamed and cried and ran into the bathroom, hiding from eeveryone because I wanted to be a lone. I gave a speech about her and broke down mid-speech so my mother had to finish it for me, when they closed to casket for good, I took one last look and just lost it. Once they got to her grave-site and began to lower down into the ground I ran back to the car and cried the whole time because I knew then I wasn't going to see my Grandma for a very, very long time. She always told me once she was gone she was Happy and no longer hurting, that everything was Okay. And once I reach Heaven, she'll be the first one running towards me giving me the biggest hug ever. Well, that's all I thought about, I prayed to God ever night he'd send her back to me, I'd see her and talk to her in my dreams, that he'd take me with her.. That's why I wanted to die. Just to be with her because I thought my life was over. My Mother tried to take me to church a week or so after her Death and in mid-song I just cried and she had to carry me out because I couldn't take it. My Grandma meant the world to me, and I'd do anything to have her back... But I do know she's in a better place with everyone she loves and one day I hope to see her again. Sorry guys I trailed off from the main point of this blingee, but it's also my late blingee for my Grandma. To anyone else who's recently going through something like that, I'll be here to help you guys through.<3 Anyway- besides my sad-sack story I RARELY share about my Grandma's death, I hope you all understand I do not want any sympathy please, just prayers for my family and community. All are greatly appreciated<3 R.I.P. Mary T. 3/5/10<'3 R.I.P. Steve Wile. 3/10/15<'3 R.I.P. Charlie Daughtery 3/13/15<'3 You are all dearly missed and loved by family and community<3 Take it easy up in Heaven guys<3 I can't wait till the day I see your faces again<3 Taylor~

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