night shade as dane cook(Dane Cook: Struck by a Vehicle)

dane cook is FUNNY! night shade:Three weeks ago, one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I've always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car. Nailed. They guy got hit right in the hip, that's your center of gravity that can send you flipping through the air like Eddy Gordo from Tekken when you don't know how to do combos and they're just hitting the buttons randomly. I always just miss it, right. I'm looking then I go to order my twisty cone and PPFFTT! WHAT?! Ohhh, what happened?! The guy got hit?! Noo! I just went to order my twisty cone and I missed it! This guy gets nailed. This is the set up. He's walking down the street, and he's doing that wacky speed walk. He's got the buds in his ears and I don't know what you're listening to that makes you do that f**king walk, just a tambourine or maracas? You're just chicka-chucka-chucka-chucka. So Johnny Tambourine is walking down the street. He's got the "Not A Good Time To Cross" signal. As he's going across I see the car VVVVRRRRTT coming down the street and when I see the car coming I'm like YESSS! Finally. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. I've got to see this. PPFFTT! This guy goes flying into the air. His shoes fly off! When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off. Sometimes your pants will come off. But I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion on this strike. And before i go any further, here's the best part, this is how he lands: on the other side of the car, which was a Dodge by the way, and I thought that that was kind of funny and ironic. I got a little humor out of that. I did try to help this man. As the car was coming towards him, I reached out and I said "EEUUUUUHH!" "EEUUUUUUHH," that's all I could think of to say. There are so many things now in retrospect that I would have loved to have been, like "YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET STRUCK BY A VEHICLE!" I did not have time to say, "You're about to get struck by a vehicle." So I went with "EEUUUUHH," which is like a concerned moan. That guy gets tagged. Okay, the greatest part of the story: he's in the air, flipping around, and this is how he lands -- on the other side of the car. He comes down perfectly on his feet! Then he jumps in the air and he starts walking around embarrassed. He's trying to play it off like he just didn't get hit by a car! People around him are like, "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! ARE YOU OKAY?!" and he's like, "I'm fine, I'm fine. Serious, I'm fine. I'm a little bit hungry, but uhhh, other than that I'm..." "NO YOU SHOULD REALLY SIT DOWN, YOU'RE BLEEDING FROM THE EARS!" "I know, I know that. I do that. Every couple of weeks I empty the blood out of my own head. It's... tradition in my family. Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy. I love getting struck by vehicles and sometimes I'll kick my shoes off in a fit of joy. I'm fine. I'm just gonna go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush."

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